This, uh...
This rain is uh...
What's the word I'm looking for ?
It's oppressive.
Yeah, it's Torrential.
But the word I was looking for
Was "oppressive"
Just like 4 days in a row
You think it's Never gonna end.
It almost Makes me
Just wanna stay Inside all day.
My dad used to say, "If the rain keeps up
It won't Come down".
Hmmm.
Not a funny guy.
( Ring )
Ben, i've gotta Get going.
If it's for me, I'm not here.
Hello ?
Uh-huh... Sure, He's right here.
Dad, it's for you.
Hello ?
David stannick !
I haven't heard That name since uh...
Not only do i remember What you look like
But i can picture your backhand Like it was yesterday.
You are ?
No, david, i would Love to get together
It would be fun...
Maybe you want to Stop by the office
We'll grab a bite ?
Reminisce... Uhh...
We could do that, But i have to warn you
I haven't played In at least 12 years...
Competitively.
So, if you just Wanna hit some
We don't have to Keep score...
If you've Been playing
And you're really Looking for competition
You should just go to the club And try to pick up a game.
No, i think...
You, my friend, Are out of your mind.
You can rewrite history All you want
But i can beat you With my eyes closed
Just based on memory.
How about friday at 5:00 ? Will that work out for you ?
Okay, david, i will See you there.
Bye.
Oh, this guy gets me, He gets me going.
Dad, you're All red !
Don't get Me started.
What's wrong ?
This guy really Gets my goat !
Who was that ?
Dave stannick is this Table tennis player
That i knew When i was a kid,
And then again As an adult.
So this is an Old rival of yours ?
Yeah.
I think i've Seen pictures.
Yeah, he's not A photogenic man.
Neither were you.
Did you have To say that ?
I'm sorry, dad, but there were 2 ugly guys in the photo.
One was you, One was david stannick.
So, you're gonna Play this guy-
He wants to Play me for money.
Has this guy been Playing a lot ?
Yeah, he Still competes.
You can compete At your age ?
How do you compete ?
Oh, 'cause you Don't have to move
When you play Table tennis.
Not correct.
Pretty much.
No ! He...
It's a sissy sport, You know it.
Come here And say that.
No, it's not a Sissy sport at all.
In fact, the best Players in the world now,
I would match them Head to head
Against any Professional athlete.
Are you serious ?
Yeah.
Actually, dad, if you're Gonna get your ass whipped,
I wouldn't mind Being there.
It's kind of A rough environment
The club.
You think it would be A bad influence on me.
I don't want you To fall in with Some bad types.
Where is The club, tijuana.
It's right above The ford dealership.
Ooh, that is bad.
Near an Auto dealership.
And i also don't Like you to be Around gambling.
But, are you gonna Gamble on this game ?
Well, he thinks It's a gamble
I think it's A sure thing.
You have Change for a $20 ?
Why ?
I wanna put 10 bucks Down on david stannick.
So your early experience As an employee
Was not Satisfying ?
Well, i was a temp.
And the bad thing was I didn't have any skills,
So i'd go to the temp agency And i would say,
I need to work.
I've gotta put Meat on the table.
And then They would say,
What can you do ?
And i would say,
Well, i can't Do anything,
But i need to work.
This is bull, I can't be walking around here
Without a job.
I was a full-time Baby furniture sales person.
Uh-hmm.
Which, you know, I didn't do too well
Because i don't Like children.
Oh, i didn't Realize that.
Or babies, or the furniture That they claim they need.
But still, It was good to be Bringing in some money.
Yes, and that As a commission job.
I was always trying to scoop The other sales people.
And one time, A couple came in-
This would often happen-
A couple came In with a baby,
If i saw that another Salesperson was trying To nab them,
I would just Grab them and say,
"Look, if you think, He thinks your baby is cute,
"I think your baby Is a-dorable.
"What would you like ?
"This baby should have a Print campaign to beat the band.
"This baby is the baby That's gonna sell tickets,
This baby needs A stroller."
And then i close.
That is beautiful.
And then sometimes I would take it too far.
How so ?
I would say, "this baby makes That baby looks like a ghoul
Or a living gargoyle !"
Dr. Katz's office.
Laura !
Could you Make it quick ?
Uh...
I need the Phone line.
What are You doing ?
I'm trying to win Tickets to the opera
On the radio And i need the phone,
I need All three lines.
You're trying To win opera tickets ?
Yes.
Really ?
Yes !
Why ?
'Cause i like opera, It's "aida".
Oh, aida's on.
Yes.
I love that one.
Really ?
What, aida ?
Yeah, what do You like about it ?
Umm... The aida Is great in it.
Do you know What opera is ?
Yes, i Think i do, laura.
I grew up On it.
Alright, hold on.
( Speed dialing )
( Busy signal )
I mean my whole early life Was formed by opera.
Can you Sing me some ?
I can do the Theme from aida.
Okay...
* Aida, duh, Duh, duh... *
And then all those women Come out with sparklers,
Roller skate--
( Speed dialing )
( Busy signal )
* Uh-uh, uh,uh You're hot *
* Aida... Uh-uh, Uh-uh you're fine *
( Dial tone )
Laura ?
... And then when I was a bus girl
My worst night was when This old woman
Came into the pie shop
And she had A piece of peach pie
And she seemed Very, very content.
Uh-huh.
And then the minute She finished her pie
She puked it all up Right onto the dish.
But she had no reaction
Like you know how When you vomit
It's sort of violent, And you think you're dying
And you're Sweaty and red ?
She just finished her pie And calmly vomited
All, right into The pie dish
And slowly got up And paid her check.
And then all the waiters Looked to the new girl
That was me, And they said,
"We'll give you An extra five bucks
If you clean up the puke."
I haven't competed In so long, ben...
And when i used to Play in tournaments,
I'd wake up nauseous.
I would throw up First thing in the morning.
And now, i'm Out of my shape,
I don't wanna Hurt myself,
I don't wanna Embarrass me and/or you.
Plus the $50,000 Is a lot of money
To play For one game.
50 grand ?
Yeah, he called.
I would not play the Ping pong match for 50 grand.
How much is It for, really ?
No, it's a Lot of money,
I don't think You need to know.
Is it over A thousand dollars ?
Bring some Collateral.
You know, dad, The way to beat this guy,
Is you gotta Psyche him out.
And...Uh... I can help you With that.
You're not Really far off
Because a lot of it Is psychological.
Exactly and if you Can psyche him now,
A week before the match... What you should start to do,
Is start calling him All the time.
Yeah ?
Like every Two minutes.
You call him, Redial, call back.
And just hang up ?
No, you just say, "How ya' doing ?"
Very calm, say, "How ya' doing ? How ya' feeling ?"
"Hey, dave, I just transferred All of your money
To an account In switzerland."
No, that's not good.
"Dave, how ya' doing ?"
Don't contrive anything.
"Dave, how ya' doing ?"
"How we doing ?"
"How we doing ?
Say that- "How we doing ?
A little menacing.
And then, What i will do;
I will follow The guy around
Wherever he goes, Wherever he eats
And i will put ground glass In his food and he will die.
Ben, that's sweet But really not necessary.
No, dad, i will Help you through it.
It's gonna be A difficult week.
I will get You to it
If you will Help me through it.
You know what, I take it back.
Ha, ha, ha.
I hope you lose, goodbye.
You seem really Energized, laura.
That's great to see.
Oh, i think it's because This friend of mine
Who's into all this Holistic stuff
Gave me these Energy crystals.
They're crystals that you Just put on a flat surface
And then you grind them Into a powder...
And then you take this powder And snort it up your nose.
And it's amazing, I feel like
I'm gonna spend this session Talking about nothing
So get ready ! Ha, ha, ha !
I was standing in line At a deli in new york...
Right.
And i often forget How everyone includes you
In their lives In new york
And i was just standing Behind this woman
And she ordered a coffee, And she says,
"I'll have A decaf coffee"
And the guy behind The counter said, "decaf ?"
And apparently that Opened the flood gates-
"Oh yeah, I can't have caffeine
"My doctor says i'm Already too tightly wound
"I can't Have caffeine.
"Please don't Give it to me.
"See, i pulled My hair out one by one.
"I pulled all of My hair out.
"This is a wig.
"I haven't been touched Since 1982,
Decaf."
Hey, laura ?
Yeah.
Did you know mozart Wrote his first opera When he was 12.
Really ?
Yeah.
Fenita semplis.
Semplice.
Right, i was talking About the french translation.
"The semplis."
Did you know that Beethoven was deaf
By the time He was 16 ?
( Exasperated exhale )
Did you know Verdi was blind, Had no legs ?
Hmm.
Do you know Benjamin britton, The famous opera guy
Just a head, No body whatsoever,
And he was also Unfortunately Deaf and blind.
That's amazing.
A deaf and blind Mute-head.
That is like, Overwhelming,
But that's the way It used to be
Like 200 years ago When opera was big.
You just went out, You did it.
Do you prefer Lento or adagio ?
What kind of a Question is that ?
Uh, it's An opera one.
It's not like something That you choose between.
Alright, let me Make it easier for you.
Do you prefer Vegetable or split pea ?
Split pea.
Me too,
Do you like Minestrone ?
Not really.
Do you go to see Verdi's minestrone ?
That's an awesome opera With a big huge life-size
Potato cube Comes out and sings
Next to the big huge Minestrone bean
And they want to Get together
They're the same soup...
Oh, ben... Please, Don't start...
Because he's A potato,
She's a bean...
Alright, I know, I saw it !
Have you seen the Opera "chicken and rice" ?
I was staying with my mom In a hotel in new york.
Uh-huh.
And we shared The same room,
Slept in the same bed,
Because a good night's sleep Is for the idle rich
And my mom made All the arrangements
So we had to be In bed together,
And we went out to dinner, Before we went to bed.
We were sleeping and About 2:00 in the morning,
My mom turns to me and says,
"I didn't think that Salad was so great."
I'm like, "what are you Talking about ?
"The salad that you had 8 hours ago
That wasn't good ?"
"I'm just saying, i didn't think It was so great."
Well, i'm glad You told me
But now that you've opened The doors of communication,
You know what, i didn't think My childhood was so great.
Now, gets some sleep And stop spooning me.
Dr. Katz's office.
( In italian accent ) Laura, it's Luciano pavarotti.
Hi, ben.
It's luciano pavarotti.
Hi, ben.
Not ben, luciano.
Say it with me.
No.
( In regular voice ) Did you win Your ticket ?
No, i didn't get any.
( In accent ) It's luciano pavarotti Again, just got in.
Hal-lo, lao-ra ?
Ughhhn.
( Normal ) Look, laura...
( Accent ) Hallo, it's placido domingo, Is luciano pavarotti there ?
Placido ?
Si ?
It's luciano.
Ah, ciao, luciano !
Ciao, placido !
How are you Doing today, luciano ?
Good.
What are you Doing today ?
Not much, Sitting around.
Watching the tube... I'm losing my accent.
( Normal ) Laura, are you Still there ?
( Yawn ) C'mon, dad, get up.
Ben, what is Going on here ?
C'mon, lets go !
Ben...
Are we Ready or what ?
Are we ready For the day ?
What time is it ?
It's time to get up,
It's time to Start training.
My feeling is That your reactions
Have probably faded Over the years.
You're not the same man You were 30 years ago.
You probably Can't handle.
I'm sorry, I beg your pardon ?
You don't have the same Hand/eye coordin-
( Yelling ) Can you hear me ?
Yeah.
( Louder ) You probably don't Have the same
Hand/eye coordination You used to.
That's why i figured,
If i get you out and Start training you every day
You'll get the old Reactions back,
You'll get the "Eye of the tiger".
Uh-huh.
You'll get that Spirit of--
Dad, you're sleeping.
When you say "Young," kathy,
How young Do you mean ?
I went out with one guy That was so young
He still lived at home With his parents.
His mom and dad Would encourage me
To just take him in.
Like a border and Also a slash/boyfriend.
I helped him Find his first apartment
And he got a bill And then he handed it to me
With his wide eyes And said,
"What do i Do with this ?"
I don't Really follow.
'Cause he didn't Have a checking account
So he'd never Written a check before.
Ahh.
You'd think something like that Might be special
You know, Between two people.
"Oh, our first check."
It was irritating.
So, that one didn't Work out so well.
How old Was this guy ?
25, and i'm...
Not.
So, you can Do the math.
Right.
I guess what i really Need to look at is
The pattern of suitors I've had.
This other guy that I went to italy with.
I took a trip to italy.
I loved it !
It is beautiful.
I especially Fell in love with venice.
I thought it was the most Beautiful city in the world
And... My boyfriend At the time, neil
Said that he thought that What they should do in venice
Is that they should Drain the canals
Because a lot of people probably Drop their sunglasses in there.
Do you know What i'm saying ?
He didn't get it !
Ben, these are late.
How about a "hi".
Hi, ben, These are late !
Thanks.
Long time no see.
You're kinda overdue For a visit if you catch...
What do you mean ? I was here 2 days ago.
Those late fees, You know
They are the lifeblood Of the vic's videos.
I mean... They're Our bread and butter.
I don't understand why you Charge a full night's rental.
Shouldn't you give A discount break ?
The idea of The late fee is that
It's a punishment, It's a fine.
It's a severe fine, For a severe crime.
But is it That severe ?
In the context Of a video store ?
Yes, it is.
Is it like murder Or anything like that ?
No, not at all.
Not at all.
'Cause i'm Usually Not late.
It's 10 bucks.
Are you serious ?
I'm serious, $10.
But, that's as much As i pay for the videos To begin with.
I'm not gonna Go over this.
You charge full Rental rates For late fees.
100% fine for A late rental.
It's a little Punitive isn't it ?
A little punitive ?
It's 100 % punitive.
Can't you put it On my account 'cause i...
There's no account-- This ain't no country store.
I gotta rent This video, today.
Wondering if You have it in ?
What are you Looking for ?
It's "legends of Table tennis".
Do you have a Table tennis section ?
Of course we do.
We'd be out of business By now, if we didn't have
A complete Table tennis section.
Let me look that up On the computer...
Oh gosh, there Was a quicker geek.
So, it's out.
I have "Myths of table tennis".
I have "Great moments Of table tennis".
I have "Good moments In table tennis".
Yeah.
I have "Typical moments In table tennis".
I didn't know there'd Be so many choices.
My dad used to be a nationally Ranked table tennis player.
Wow !
Yeah!
Wow !
You're proud Of your father !
He actually won A lot of tournaments.
Oh really, Tournaments, That's nice.
Sounds like fun.
My father Was in 'nam.
I called this friend of mine Who now has a 4-year-old
And it's really hard To talk to her
'Cause every time i call Just to see what's up--
Hey, carol, How's it going ?
She goes, "oh just a second, Jacob wants to say hi to you."
Jacob, say "hi".
Say "hi," jacob, Say "hi" !
Say "hi" to laura !
Say "hi" !
Say "hi," jacob !
Say "hi" !
I'm like, "Oh my god !"
So at some point I hung up the phone.
She called me back,
She goes, "What happened ?"
And i go, "oh, that's My daughter katie.
She just Hung up the phone."
"Oh, i didn't know That you have a kid."
Yeah, Katie, say "hi" !
Say "hi," katie !
Katie, say "hi" !
Well, that's why, dr. Katz,
I don't think I'm gonna have any children.
I'm just hoping to god I'm barren.
I don't know if you're Aware of this, but...
Babies are Very selfish.
It's just "Me, me, me".
Yeah.
And if you want a minute's Peace, they don't even care.
And they Look at you like,
"Hey, feed me !"
And then they pull this Like passive/aggressive
"Oh, pick me up, I don't wanna walk."
That's what Being a child Is all about.
You are Their caretaker.
My baby... Will just Have boundaries.
Uh-huh.
I say there's a Week or two of coasting.
And then i have to set Some very strict boundaries.
But you Cry easily ?
Yeah, i do.
I cry more when I'm in a relationship.
My boyfriend now complains That i cry all the time.
He thinks there's Something wrong with me.
Which is Insane of him.
Because he's--
He's the one Who's crazy, dr. Katz.
Why are you Taking his side ?
No, i'm not--
He's a crazy person,
Who thinks because I cry at phone commercials-
But sometimes those Phone commercials are crafty.
( Sobbing ) They'll talk about how If you can't get the person
You won't see 'em And then they're in a field.
And who needs that ?
Because what's sadder Than a field
Because it Represents separation.
( Sobbing deeply )
Why are you being so Condescending with me ?
No, i'm trying To comfort you...
Oh, i'm gettin' heaves ! ( Wretching )
When i cry really hard, I get the heaves !
Ohhh...
Ahh, That was cathartic !
Dad, stop pacing, You're making me nervous.
I'm just trying to Keep my legs loose.
I hope you're not Gonna be too tense
'Cause that's gonna Affect your game.
You gotta be on, You gotta be loose.
I have to be Very alert,
And i have to be willing To commit to a shot.
That's my big fear.
You're talking fast, You're all...
Well, because i'm A little wound up...
Dad, dad...
Yeah.
Do this line Of cocaine,
Settle down...
I think what you Need to do is just sit
And focus for A little bit.
You've got all This tense energy now.
Hold on one second...
Leah, hi !
I thought you died !
( Whispering ) She was one of the best Women players of all time.
Yeah, looks it... Can tell by the hat.
This has gotta Be a little bit Nostalgic for you.
Oh, god, ben, You don't know...
All these Ping pong paddles
Old men.
It's the smells Of the place
That is so Powerful for me.
Yeah, i've Noticed that.
It's just like An aphrodisiac.
You know ?
But the women Of table tennis
Counter That effect.
But, dad, i want you To get focused now.
Do you want to do Any breathing exercises ?
Do you want me to Read you poetry ?
No, what helps me is--
Would it be embarrassing If i gave you a rub down ?
Hold on one second, I'm gonna take this call.
What are you Talking about ?
The guy said there's A phone call for me.
Hang on one second, I'll be right back.
Okay, i'll wait here.
Ben, some bad news, He has to cancel.
He got called back To the office.
Got cancelled ?
Yeah.
You're kidding ?
See that's the Difference between
Being a professional Through and through...
Ahh...
And being a guy Like stannick
Who is just A show pony.
Dad !
He's in it For the chicks,
For the glamour, For the ride.
I gotta be Honest with you, dad,
I was sort of Rooting for dave.
I can't hear you.
Why not ?
Hurts too much.
So, dad, you kinda Win by forfeit.
Lucky break.
Lucky break For stannick,
He saved himself Some humiliation And $750.
That's good that You can go home With that belief.
Too.
Yeah, and you can Come with me too.
No, i'm gonna stay.
How about if We play one game
And i'll give you A 15-point head start ?
You're on.
Okay.
I'm gonna whip Your ass, katz.
I hope You're hungry.
'Cause i'm gonna feed you A steady diet of ben.
Uh, dad ?
How do you Like your ben ?
We got backhand ben We got forehand ben,
In your face ben...